18 April 2013

that shit has got to go.

do you ever have those moments when all you want to do is spend money and spend it as fast as humanly possible? why does that even happen?

i have been having one of those weeks. it doesn't happen often, but when it does, holy hell hold on for a ride.

usually i just build shopping carts and never actually purchase anything because i go through and delete everything one by one until the cart is sad and empty. and for the love of everything holy, stay away from target and tjmaxx, because they will lead to some serious shopping benders.

this little gem did happen.

once i've built my shopping cart of dreams and then subsequently slaughtered those dreams i then go into my own closet and start getting rid of stuff. it's pretty cut throat. i don't like stuff, so i just get rid of it. to the tune of about once a month. it usually begins when i go to put something on and i don't like the way it fits, so it goes into a pile.

there are rules to this purging though. never, and i repeat never, purge when you want to rip your ovaries out of your person. it won't be pretty and it always ends in sobbing ugly tears. most likely all while screaming and listening to some suitably horrible 90s girl songs.

trust me on this one. please. nothing fits properly during that time and you are at your most critical.

second rule: there is no fight club. but seriously, there isn't. moving forward...if you are purging your closet make sure and try things on. i mean everything. make a no, yes, and maybe pile. rehang the yes pile (preferably by colors...), don't look twice at the no pile - toss those puppies in a bag and don't look back, try the maybe pile on again and give yourself 10 seconds to decide. or do this. i actually recommend this.

third rule: if something is too big or too small (and i mean comically small) don't hold onto it. you will never wear it again. mark my words.

fourth rule: don't drink and purge. oof. okay, okay i amend that. don't be drunk and purge. drink mimosas and purge. that i am on board with.

fifth rule: that t-shirt drawer. the one you can barely open because you fear the drawer breaking from the sliders and crushing your toes because of the shear weight of cotton in that bad boy. you know the one, open it.

take them all out and get rid of almost all of them. keep the really sentimental ones and then build your base from there. we all know everyone wears about five tshirts they own.

sixth rule: shoes. i have a lot of shoes. well i take that back, i had a lot of shoes. and then i realized i was hanging on to a bunch of shoes that i never, ever wore. so i got rid of them. just like that. no ifs, ands or buts about it.

seventh rule: do not immediately go buy things to fill up all the space you have made.

these rules generally work with everything else in your house. books, kitchenware, facebook... you get the idea.

now go forth and do great things.

side note: i am exceptionally bad at doing this with my dresses and swimsuits. i love me some swimsuits and it pains my soul to get rid of any.