06 March 2014

politcally incorrect and very unkosher.

if this is what adulthood looks like then i don't want to be a part of it. attttallll
let me preface all of that with for the past two or three months i have had what i call african baby tummy (AfBT). which is terribly politically incorrect, insensitive and not kosher. but i don't have a better way to describe it. i am not trying to take anything away from those poor little babies or say that my first world problem relates to them in anyway shape or form.

my stomach seems to always be in a constant state of unrest. and some weeks it's manageable and some weeks it's AfBT status.  it feels like there is constant pressure in my stomach and well if your a runner then you know when you can't go, the world is ending.

pooping was covered extensively during Ragnar and i can vouch that not being able to go is sunshine and roses the most nerve wracking thing while running. i would rate it higher than the i think i am under trained for this race, i don't have enough fuel or the person smells like homeless liquor bottles have been inhabiting their pores.

as a runner you find a steady balance of diet and you don't stray. especially not during race week.

about two months ago my stomach decided it just didn't want to function at full capacity or ya know at all. so that was fun. i chalked it up to a bad weekend of poor food choices. i cleaned up my act and went back to the basics and tried for the most part to maintain a balance diet.

it seemed to work for a few weeks and then it would just not work. christmas was miserable. i spent a lot of time in bed laying on my left side because every other position wasn't working.

about two weeks ago i noticed that my stomach hurt worse after i ate. like clockwork. and it was about as fun as it sounds. and then i had the i feel like there are razor blades in my stomach (or as my phone autocorrected: razor ladies - got to watch out for them...)

which in actuality should have been a clue to me to maybe make a doctor's appointment with my newly acquire health insurance plan. but alas, i did not. i just ate bland foods. well that didn't work and enough bullying from darwin i finally called the doctor and went to see someone about the AfBT.

with much trepidation and some serious nerves i put my big girl pants on i went to my doctor's appoint. and thus enter the picture from the beginning. she told me that my bowels sounded good. which made me giggle, because all i could think is a gurgling noise and the noise your tummy makes when you are hungry. also, i am 6 so it was really funny.

then i got a tetanus because ya know #yolo (<-- i am sorry...or am i). which jesus pete my arm feels like i got ninja chopped.

AND then i got bloodwork done. just to rule out anything. i got the results back for those yesterday and because i am a doctor who knows what the hell i am talking about, my levels were all just fine and dandy. 


so bottom line. my diet is fine. my veggie and fruit intake is fine. i clearly get enough calcium. i exercise.

which leads to taking miralax like i am 112. basically i am a six year old trapped in a 27 year old body with the stomach of a 112 year old. weeeeeeeeee

if i am not better in a week, i get to go to a gi doctor. which bum bum bum i don't want to do.

welcome to my life.

**also, all i can think of this the rugrats episode where chuckie swallows a watermelon seed and angelica tell him a watermelon is going to grow in his tummy and then tommy and the gang go inside chuckie's tummy.